What am I doing speculating over such stupidity on a legitimate fan site? The answer to that is we’re not a legitimate fan site, so lets talk about the myth of the sausage sandwich. *Note: this is listed under comedy but is by all means a very serious subject*
Recently adopting the title of ‘the sausage sandwich connoisseur’ I’ve decided to miraculously become superstitious, dropping my usual rational persona and investing my faith in a bizarre statistic – Liverpool are still unbeaten in every matchday in which I’ve consumed a sausage sandwich. So lets briefly discuss the man the myth the legend:
What’s your sausage of choice?
I usually go for a plain and simple Cumberland sausage that hits you square on the palette, minimal herbs but with a high percentage of meat content, usually around the 90% mark.
Red sauce or brown sauce?
It’s an easy call, ketchup on the sausage sandwich always, sweetens the taste and compliments the beautiful succulent meat.
What’s your recommendation for those interested in a more high end sausage?
I recommend Ian Rankin’s Irish pork sausages with caramelised onions and red wine. I save this for big games such as our 1-0 victory over Manchester City.
Why did you cut down on sausages for the majority of January? It’s your fault we lost so many games
I very selfishly chose to favour my own life expectancy over the results of the team, which I have learnt my lesson from. My stupidly high intake of sausages is worth the damage to my heart and arteries and I’ll be proud to die for the cause.
Lets break it down
A sausage is a cylindrical meat product usually made from ground meat, often pork, beef or veal, along with salt, spices and other flavourings and breadcrumbs, with a skin around it. Typically containing Saturated fat 9 grams, Polyunsaturated fat 2.8 grams, Monounsaturated fat 12 grams and a total fat average of 27 grams, at a rate of 2 matchdays a week my total annual fat consumption will total 1.296 kilos. This is equivalent to a large sack of rice or Mamadou Sakho’s little finger.
Perhaps my increasingly uncertain life expectancy is due to the fact that one sausage contains 41% of my daily recommended fat intake, and that my usual serving size is 3 meaning that I’ve eaten 123% of my daily intake within one meal, that’s fine. On the other hand, a sausage contains 5% of my recommended iron intake, which essentially is a hopeless futile contribution towards my fast diminishing good health.
In conclusion, you owe me a few years of my lifetime if we win the league within the next few seasons, assuming I’m still alive to celebrate Lucas lifting the trophy (yes he’ll still be here for all eternity).
Why is your article ending here?
There’s nothing more to say, the facts are conclusive in the inevitable damage to my health and the environment that my superstituious diet is causing, fuelled by the encouragement of everyone who tweets @IndigoLFC with a sausage related reference on matchday, so I shall leave you all with a picture of my mystic myth, the legend, the charm, the holy one – All hail the sausage sandwich! YNWA