It’s been a while since my last post but I’m proud to say that the sausage sandwich record is still intact, somehow.
Despite the club playing against the league’s 2nd and 3rd placed teams the mystic myth continues. Of course, I should come to expect it by now, a game against a top team brings a charismatic win whilst any matchup that involves a bunch of shopkeepers and farmers from Bulgaria making their first break in professional football shall result in a crushing loss.
So to make up for my absence here’s a big ass update on all that’s been happening in the Liverpool sphere:
Liverpool go on holiday
Klopp has taken the Liverpool squad on a training camp in La Manga, a beautiful seaside region of Spain where mini 6-a-side games were organised alongside team bonding and jumping into freezing cold water if you lose. This is the bit where people make a joke about Sturridge getting injured after jumping into cold water, ha ha ha ha. Klopp has also rearranged the room allocations for players, meaning that Lallana can no longer fall asleep in the evenings on the chunky warm chest of Jordan Henderson in a candle lit room.
Meanwhile James Pearce has taken the opportunity to indulge himself in a sensual relaxing holiday at the expense of the Echo newspaper, who will receive daily pictures of the vague outlines of Liverpool players seen through a wire fence taken on an iPhone 3G. I dream of one day living the playboy lifestyle of our hero James Pearce.
Mama still stands a chance?
What? He’s banished, gone?! Jurgen Klopp has hinted that Mamadou Sakho does still have a chance:
“The loan is a solution for this moment. We can wait for new impressions and see what happens.”
Before you get too excited I’d like to suggest that possibly this is a method to keep his market value up for when we do sell him in the summer, with admitting he’s utterly finished being an obvious advantage to clubs that are interested in buying him. He’s currently on loan at Crystal Palace but who knows what’ll happen next.
Liverpool vs Leicester
— Anfield Edition (@AnfieldEdition) February 18, 2017
Good news for Liverpool as the likely pushed forward date of our next game will not go ahead after Leicester suffer a shock defeat to Millwall. How embarrassing to go out of the F.A Cup to a small team, just like we did in an even earlier round. You’re fucking rubbish this year Leicester, which means you’ll probably turn up when we play you.
Adam Lallana is set to sign a new long term deal with the club worth £150,000 a week making him one of the highest earners in the club’s history. This has come as sour news for many fans who feel that despite Lallana’s form this season he isn’t worthy of the top bracket earnings, however it has to taken into account the huge inflation of the market within the last 2 years due to massively increased revenue. Someone had to be the first big contract offered, and Adam Lallana isn’t such an absurd option.
Meanwhile Emre Can’s contract standoff continues whilst the club’s part time villain and hero Dejan Lovren is likely to sign a new deal. Should we be angry that Dejan Lovren is getting a pay rise? Yes, probably. But there’s nothing we can do about it, so lets move on.
Marko Grujic made a post on social media recently which reminded me of his existence. Grujic recently broke out of his coffin to begin rehab at Melwood which will soon end his long term absence. Meanwhile Dejan Lovren has been out recently with a minor injury which has led to Lucas Leiva playing centre back quite well alongside the rock of Matip. Lovren is expected back soon where he will return to the starting lineup. Adam Bogdan is also somewhere lurking around Melwood as he continues his rehab on an unfortunate ACL injury.
Signings are on their way
Klopp reveals that Liverpool are already working on a number of transfer deals for the summer to ensure that the squad is deeper next season. After not trusting many of his fringe players so far, this comes as no surprise. However the Echo claim:
The Reds boss admits the scale of his business will depend to an extent on whether Liverpool qualify for the Champions League.
Julian Brandt has been revealed as one of the Reds’ top targets.
Liverpool are on the brink of bolstering their Academy ranks with France youth international Yasser Larouci. In other news, I don’t give a fuck. There’s only so many stories of promising youngsters who are dubbed the ‘Egyptian Messi’ or the ‘Scouse Cafu’ that I can take. Forgive me for being cynical, but I’m adopting a policy called “wait till they play”.
Oh yes and Chelsea youngster Dominic Solanke will join Liverpool in the summer according to some guy on Twitter who HASN’T EVEN GOT A BLUE TICK. There’s definitely no reason to trust what he says then.
Gotze is still being linked
Rumours of the boring summer saga of Mario Gotze have returned this week, courtesy of the Mirror, a somewhat unreliable source as of recently. If Klopp still believes in the chubby lad then that’s fine by me but this rumour seems closer to clickbait than it does to real interest. Lets forget about the marquee rumours for now.
The S*n aren’t allowed back
Liverpool have banned the S*n from our premises. They can no longer attend matches or press conferences associated with the club! I can’t argue with that, even more space for James Pearce to put his feet up like the majestic stallion he is.
That’s all for my big ass update! Thanks for reading and sorry it’s been so long! Tweet me @IndigoLFC